Friday, September 19, 2008

Jokes about life in the Australian country...sent by my Tasmanian friend

A burnt out advertising executive decides he has had enough of the rat race & buys a property way in Tasmania. No electricity, no phones - no company.
He has read everything he can & after a few weeks is getting a bit bored. One afternoon he sees the dust coming up way in the distance coming towards him, a while later a crusty old bushie gets out of a battered Holden ute and puts out his hand.
"Hello mate, I'm your closest neighbour, live about 20 miles up the road, thought we'd chuck ya a bash to welcome you to the area"
"Sounds great" says the ad-man.
"I hear you city boys like your drugs and drink so we'll get that in for ya."
"Sounds awesome" says the ad-man
"we tend to get a bit punchie and horny 'round here after all those drugs & drink though, can ya handle yerself if a blue kicks off or a bit of sex is on the cards?"
"I go alright" say the ad-man
"this all sounds great, what time should I come and what should I wear?"
"Doesn't really matter" says the bushie "it's only going to be you and me".......

An Ukrainian migrant to Australia wanted to become a cabbie so he had to go for an eye test for his drivers license. He was shown a card with the text CWNSCZYZQOCTAZS. He looked at it with wide open eyes, looking very surprised. The examiner said impatiently; well? And the Ukrainian answered; I know that bloke...

Three blokes were working on a high rise building project, Macca, Chook and Simmo. Chook falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Simmo says,"Someone should go and tell his wife." Macca says, "OK, I`m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, Macca comes back carrying a slab of VB. Simmo says,"Where did you get that, Macca?"
"Chook's missus gave it to me." "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?" Macca says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Chook`s widow."
She said, "No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "Wanna bet me a slab"

1 comment:

Tapshoes said...

Greetings Horatio,
It's early morning in down town Tasmania, the rain has cleared and Mr.Tapshoes has headed off to golf.
My father is celebrating his 90th. birthday today, his aussie rules football team won last night and are now in the grand final which is played next Saturday at the MCG in Melbourne followed a couple of weeks later by the Melbourne Cup, have you heard of that? it's the race that 'stops a nation', the entire country grinds to a half for the running of that horse race, we are indeed a 'weird mob'.

Glad you liked my rather feeble contribution at sending you some jokes, even though it meant you had to add them yourself.

Keep up the good work,
take care AND....''Keep Dancin''